So, yesterday I called my sister to check up on her.

Can we just say she was very rude and hurtful to me. Perhaps she was fighting with her husband, AGAIN! I don't know.

I was telling her about a friend of mine that I met who said he would take the kids and I to church. She assumed I was doing something with this guy. Not hardly! Then, she said well, I have to go because you sound "up" and too happy. I am getting bad vibes off of you. I was like what?! Fine then. Be a B! I don't care. I hung up. I think I am done with family on both sides. Seriously. H's family are down right mean and my family leaves something to be desired. So, I think I am just going to keep to mah self for now on. Blog on here and stuff. Whatever. Not much else to do. I mentioned getting back into singing and such and she didn't like that either. So, whatever. I hear all the time about her wonderful dream of being at second city. Bla bla bla! Well, you know what. I finally got rid of SIL and this "friend" of mine. So I guess I can get sister out of my life too. I am better off without them anyways. They are "toxics". So, that's what has been up with me lately. Not much else going on. Still nausias and stuff. Trying my best to get through the days. They keep trudging along.

Today I woke up feeling as though I am failing myself and my kids some how. I mean, I try and be a good mother but, I have nothing to offer them but, my love. That is not enough in today's world. Is it? Nah, I didn't think so. I am wanting to go back to school. I want to be something anything other than what I am now. Perhaps I am grasping at straws.

To top that off I have realized that MR.H wants to control me as that is all he has in life. Keep me on a leash. I was asked by a dear friend today if I had a car of my own. Well no not really. I wrecked mine a few years ago. (Not my fault). Anyways..........MR.H took me off of the insurance of the other car even though I have paid on it as well. So I can't drive it. I really need to get a life before life gets me.

Well, that is it for now. I think I will stop my bitching as it is getting me no where but, damn it feels good to talk about it.

Ok...............So I found the perfect song for my life!

Artist: Erika Jo
Album: Erika Jo
Title: Go


Sweaty hands,quicksand
Know I should,but I'm scared I can't
It's a big move,everything to lose
What if it's nothing like the way I planned
What if,what if I fall
What if chasing my dreams just chasing my tail
Do I listen to the voice telling me to stay
Or listen to the voice that's screaming out

Go
Just go
Just go with your heart
Go with the flow
There's only on way you're ever gonna know
Go

This town,safe and sound
Already know my way around


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Got a few good friends and few good men
That'll buy me flowers and take me out
What if,what if I stay
Do I really want to spend the rest of my days
On a dead end street in a dead in job
I could live like that,but my dreams won't stop

Go
Just go
Just go with your heart
Go with the flow
There's only on way you're ever gonna know
Go

Just forget it
Everybody said it
But I know I'd regret it if I didn't
Go,just go

This is HOW I FEEL!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel like I am at a dead end in the road. I hate this feeling. I am so excited about having another baby and getting to hold him in my arms but, I am also wanting to be more than just a housewife. I am so unhappy in my marriage. I love him. Don't get me wrong but, he has gotten so freaking nasty lately. UGH! Something has to give! It's going to be me one day up and leaving with 3 kids. On my own! Making it as a single Mom. I am better off that way anyways.........

I got this in an email just now:

Week 13 Pregnancy Tip

Healthy Eating for a Healthy Pregnancy

Hi Tracy,
It's important that you eat enough of the right nutrients to ensure you and your baby stay healthy. Every day, you should have:
6 or more servings of bread, cereal, rice, or pasta
3 to 5 servings of vegetables
2 to 4 servings of fruit
2 to 3 servings of meat, poultry, fish, dry beans, eggs, or nuts
At least 8 glasses of water

For one They are a week off on my pregnancy. Not a big deal. But, hey, who in the world eats THIS much in one day? Not I!

Well, the phone has been ringing off the hook all day. I have not answered but, one call and that was when Carla called to tell me she was coming out here tonight. Yea!!!! The rest are BC (bill collectors). They can go to you know where. Anyways......... I finally ate something just now. I had a steak n egg cheese bagel from this morning and a candy bar. Not the most nurtricious meal but, it was good.

L came home from school with here hair all matted up. She went swimming today. I don't see why they can't quickly comb out the kids' hair when they get out of the pool?!

One thing with this pregnancy that I didn't have with H or L is that I am able to smell anything and everything. Sometimes it's a good thing, other times it's a really bad thing. If you catch my drift. The baby moved around a teeny bit today. Not much though. He/She is still too small really to make an impact. I am now 14 weeks. I am starting to show too. Wooohooo! So, I am going to be pregnant during a very hot time of year. I hope that I can stand it. We don't have air conditioning. Well, we have a window unit but, it doesn't really do much for us. (sigh) I know last year I just constantly sweated and such. Oh well! It's all worth it in the end.

Ohhhh L has her lovely dentist appointment tomorrow in Columbus. I hope I can stand the drive there. I just wish we would move back up there as everything is right there within our reach. Lots of places to shop and lots of things to choose from. Plus I love the diversity up there. My children need to be around all kinds of cultures. I grew up in a diverse community and I think that really helped me out quite a bit. Down here people can be a bit "prejudice" which angers me. There just isn't a need for that.

Not much else is going on today. I took a phenergan today to keep me from getting sick again. I really look forward to when I feel GREAT again! I can't wait to hold my child in my arms.

Ohhhh I had a nightmare last night. I was with my friend Jodi and we had our kids playing in a field. All of a sudden a major tornado hit and we were trying to round up the kids to safety. It was a freaky dream. I woke up after that to L crying. I wonder what that dream meant. I am not good at understanding dreams and such.

I am so tired of listening to DH's radio station of choice. WWKRC in Cincinnati. Blah! Rush Limbaugh and now Shawn Hannity. Don't get me wrong. Shawn Hannity is alright but, Rush gets on my nerves. He can be an ass. I am NOT a political person. Never have been and never will be. Whatever! They are all the same to me. Bah!

Well, I have rambled enough today. I hope I keep my food down and that I can actually have a decent evening.

Have a good day people!